Feng Jin is a quiet person, no, a person isolated from the world. Her figure is not conspicuous at all, even like the shadow that slips away in the street corners and alleys, no one notices, no one pays attention. She lives an ordinary life, so ordinary that she almost forgets that she has lived. But she is not troubled by this ordinariness. She accepts it quietly and lives silently, as if this is her innate destiny. Wherever she goes, she can quietly blend into it and become a shadow in the background.
She has long understood that fate is so ruthless that it will always give you an imperfect road, making you lose yourself in it again and again. She knows that she does not belong to that dazzling world. She has never thought about becoming a great person, nor has she ever had such a desire. She was born to be a bystander, a quiet bystander. This world is too big, and she is too small, like a grain of dust, drifting with the wind, and I don’t know where she will stop.
“Fear crushes flesh and blood.” Everyone has some fear to a certain extent, but Feng Jin’s fear is different. She was not afraid of any sudden danger, but she was afraid of the silent loss, afraid of being forgotten in an indifferent world. She had seen too many people rushing through life, walking so fast, as if chasing some unattainable goal. And she, like a seed that no longer sprouted, quietly rotted in the soil of time. She knew that she was not the one who was remembered, and she also knew that no matter how hard she tried, it would be difficult to communicate with the center of this world.
She was afraid that her life would be blank, so blank that she felt terrible. She looked at those people who lived brilliantly, and she had more than one jealousy in her heart, but when she thought of herself, she immediately fell silent. Sometimes she would ask herself if there was anything else she could do, if she could find a way to make herself live differently, but every time she asked, the answer was still so empty, like a mystery that could never be solved.
“Courage tore my chest.” Feng Jin never knew what courage was. She looked at those energetic people, and her heart was full of doubts – where did they get that endless motivation? What were they pursuing? And she has been in the same place, like a small boat floating on the water, neither moving forward nor backward, just swaying in the gentle waves. She doesn’t know what a breakthrough is, nor does she know how to take that step. She just wants to walk quietly on this unattended road. It doesn’t matter where she goes, but she is not disturbed.
Sometimes she would wonder if she could get some comfort or even salvation if she could pursue her dreams like those people. But she found that this idea was like a beautiful illusion, illusory and difficult to touch. She has seen the figures of those who pursue their dreams, they succeed or fail, and she stands behind them, doing nothing, just watching, watching them disappear in the distance like a whirlwind. She has never thought of standing up to follow, nor has she dared to stand up to resist. She knows that she is just an insignificant passerby, and it doesn’t matter whether she walks faster or slower.
“Glory baptizes the body.” Feng Jin has never expected any glory. She has no ambition and no desire to achieve anything. She never believed that glory was a real thing. It might just be the light in other people’s eyes, or the label that society gave to some people, but she would never have it in her life. Her life seemed to be swallowed up by the quicksand of time, leaving nothing behind. She never longed to attract attention, nor did she long for recognition from the outside world. Her life was like a meteor across the night sky, dazzling for a moment and then disappearing without a trace.
However, Feng Jin also thought about her own life on a quiet night. She wondered if she could break free from this ordinary reincarnation, could she find what she wanted? She imagined not hiding in the dark corners, but walking to the stage, to those flashing lights. She imagined that if she could stand among those people, could she find some real meaning, at least she would not be so empty. However, every time she finished thinking, she would sneer, knowing that she was just an ordinary person who had no power to change her fate.
“Thinking seeds, Manas sprouts.” Feng Jin had thought silently on countless nights whether she could also become the seed that grew out of the soil. But she finally found out that she didn’t have that ability. She didn’t dare, and didn’t even have the courage to dream of an unusual life. The gap between her and herself was like an insurmountable wall that could not be shaken by any impact. She was like an object forgotten by time, lying there quietly, unwilling to think about the past or look forward to the future.
“Footprints of fate.” Feng Jin felt that fate had never been a choice for her. She had asked herself many times whether she could get out of this hopeless track and do something meaningful. She had heard too many people complain and too many people regret, but she didn’t want to say anything more. She was just the most inconspicuous one in the crowd, destined to never get out of this small circle. There was no special meaning to her existence, and the trajectory of her life was destined to be so insignificant, like a drop of water, falling into the sea, and there would be no trace.
Feng Jin looked at the changes in the world and felt that she could never keep up with the pace. She once wanted to catch up, but she was afraid of being too tired to breathe. So, she simply slowed down her pace and began to observe those hurried footsteps, while she herself was still walking not too far away, trying to find a proper balance. She no longer pursued the so-called glory, no longer looked for the unattainable dream. She had let go, let go of all her desires, and just wanted to live quietly and live every moment.